For several months now, I’ve been living a digital hermit’s life, as far from the digital world as possible. Of course, there were occasional online posts (which I then archived not so long after I posted them), but majority of my life recently had been lived watching beautiful sunsets, away from the prying eyes of the social media.
This year has been one of the most meaningful and dreadful year for me, perhaps for everyone. Yet I chose to live it quietly. While people turned to social media and everything online after the global pandemic hit, I started to quietly slip away from all of it. I started to love going offline and living in the quiet. Celebrations and merry-making became exclusive, intimate and purposeful.
So, why did I decide to get myself back online? Why even bother showing my life to people I may never know? And why choose writing instead of vlogging? And, what will my content be? These are some of the things I been trying to answer with little luck the past few days.
Truth be told, my mind is in chaos as I write this. I don’t know where to start and how to deliver my thoughts exactly as I intended it to. But nonetheless, let’s just get right to it, shall we? Perhaps we’ll have clarity as we go along.
What prompted me to write again?
Simply put, I wanted make an account of my attempt to change my character.
Last week, I had the most horrendous and humiliating meeting with my bosses and teammate. I failed to communicate with them and caused them trouble. On top of it, I have been falling behind in my job and I haven’t been delivering my best for the last two years or so. I must tell you that I once had been so passionate with my job. But, along the way came disappointments and disinterests that I lost passion in everything.
So during that humiliating meeting with them, my boss led me to realize one thing — I am in chaos and I needed intervention. I don’t have discipline and I lost connection with everyone, myself included. Even with all the getting things done and discipline videos and classes I took, I was at a loss of how to manage every area of my life. While contemplating at my boss’s words, I made my decision to put my affairs in order and make my life simple yet productive and interesting enough for me to keep going.
Why write and not vlog?
Honestly, I am just not comfortable with vlogging.
I’ve had several attempts to vlog, yet I can’t quite manage to create content I would actually want to post. I don’t want to expose myself in the pretense of the online world nor the stress of creating the perfect feed. Then there’s the awkwardness of facing the camera. I’m not camera friendly at all. I could never be. I may attempt to study vlogging, but while writing is the least intriguing, right now I chose this less stressful platform — just to get me started. I get to account my changes and my challenges while still being able to protect my peace. I’d rather have to account myself to a smaller audience than get lost in the curated world. After all, I am making this to find myself and not for anyone else.
What will I write about?
I want to focus on my journey to living a well disciplined dream chasing life.
I’ve struggled so much with being lazy and too much procrastination. I kept on starting things and failing to finish them. My life is in topsy-turvy and I have been in a series of sadness, anxiety and negativity far too long that I wanted to change. I’ve had enough of this bad behavior. I simply want to live well. While I see people decluttering their material stuff and having a life lived to the fullest, I want to declutter my mind and finally get things done. I don’t want to live with too many things falling through the cracks and delivering half-assed jobs. I want to get my thoughts and ideas out of my chaotic brain and make the most of them. This won’t simply be how-to’s and list of tips and tricks, but this will be about my learnings as I journey towards a well disciplined life. Most importantly, this will be about chasing after my dreams fearlessly and responsibly.
While I navigate this chaotic life, I want to share them all with the right people — perhaps, people like you. I want to inspire those who are also struggling to get their affairs in order. I want to tell others that getting out of this mental slump is actually possible and that taking responsibility for our own lives is within our reach.
I hope that as you find this read, I could inspire you to also take a hold of your own life and, start living in discipline and stop your dreams from falling apart.